


Reckless, Not Restrained

by astudyinfic



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: 6000 years of slow burn finally paying off, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 20:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20159566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Aziraphale held his tongue for six thousand years.  In one unguarded second, he might have ruined everything.





	Reckless, Not Restrained

They sat at the table so long that the waiter returned to offer them “_More coffee, sirs, or perhaps a second dessert?_” 

“No, no, thank you,” Aziraphale said with a kind smile, looking at the empty plate in front of him. “I think just the bill. Thank you, my good man.” 

He ignored the pointed look from Crowley and focused on folding his napkin properly and setting it aside. When the bill was paid and they were out the door, he answered Crowley’s unspoken question, “We had taken up enough of his time. And as divine as the mousseline was, I do not need a second.” Crowley continued to look incredulous and Aziraphale sighed in response. “Angels are good at denying themselves pleasure.”

Crowley scoffed, disbelieving. “And when have you ever denied yourself anything, angel?”

“I’ve spent six thousand years biting my tongue and not telling you I love you. I’m quite good at denying myself what I truly want.” The words slipped from Aziraphale’s mouth before he had time to truly consider them. Since the Armagedidn’t, he’d become too comfortable around Crowley, let his guard down so far that the secret he’d kept for the entire history of the Earth fell from his lips as easily as rain from a cloud. 

The angel sent up a silent prayer, “_Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips,”_ though it was probably too late for that. A secret of six thousand years spilled in a reckless moment. 

A war waged inside his head, as they continued walking towards the park, whether to act like that never happened or to apologize profusely and hope Crowley could overlook this slip. Surely the demon must know how he felt. Aziraphale knew he gazed longingly at the demon who owned his heart whenever Crowley turned away. So many times he’d almost said the words, only to be stopped by fear. 

Fear of Heaven finding out. 

Fear of _ Hell _ finding out.

Because whatever Heaven might do to him for fraternizing (as he once spat at Crowley, as if Crowley wasn’t the most important thing in the world to him), Hell would be so much worse. They would destroy Crowley. Not discorporate, not reassign. Destroy. 

And Aziraphale would swallow every feeling he had for the demon if it meant Crowley was in his life day in and day out.

But now? Now, as Crowley said, they had no sides. They were truly on their own for the first time ever. No one was watching them, no one cared what they did, at least in theory. So there was no reason for Aziraphale to still be holding in these feelings. No reason but cowardice and the absolute terror that if Crowley didn't feel the same way, Aziraphale would have lost everything. Heaven. Family. Love. Without Crowley, none of the other sacrifices would be worth anything. 

Realizing just how long the silence had gone on, he snuck a glance at the demon who was staring at him, mouth agape. Aziraphale offered him a sad smile and shook his head. "Never mind. All I was trying to say was that I have wine back at the shop and some biscuits I picked up from that place in Mayfair you like so well. We didn’t need to take up any more of his time and now the table is free for someone else." He was babbling but it was better than awkward, stunned silence.

"That...wasn't what you were trying to say." It sounded to Aziraphale as if those words physically pained Crowley to utter them out loud. "You said something else, angel."

Crowley wouldn't let him out of this, that much was certain, and Aziraphale sighed heavily. "We can just ignore that. I know it isn't what you want to hear. Let's just go back to the way things were."

“And if I don’t want to? Go back to the way things were, that is?” 

While Aziraphale had no need of a heart, his still stuttered to a halt at that. He’d known it wasn’t something Crowley wanted to hear but he didn’t realize that it would ruin everything. “Oh, yes, right, of course. I suppose we have been spending a great deal more time together as of late. I understand if I’ve been a bit smothering.” If Crowley wanted to spend less time with him, that was fine. 

“You really are extraordinarily stupid for someone so smart.” 

Aziraphale spun to stare at him, hurt and frustration threatening to boil over. “Well, there’s really no need for that, Crowley. I told you that I would leave you alone.”

The huff of annoyance from Crowley angered Aziraphale for a moment before the demon wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. “That’s what I mean. How can you be so stupid to think that I want _ more _ time away from you?” 

Bracing himself with both hands on Crowley’s chest, it took an embarrassingly long time for Aziraphale’s quick mind to catch up, though, to be fair it was mostly focused with how good it felt to have the one he’d loved for so long holding him close enough that their bodies pressed together. “Oh. So when you said you didn’t want things to go back the way they were...?”

Crowley rolled his eyes, obvious even though he still wore the glasses he insisted on using to cover his eyes. “I want more with you, angel. I always have. But I go to fast for you. Is this...? Is this still too fast?” His arms tightened a little at the uncertain question and Aziraphale felt his heart kick up a gavotte in his chest. 

They’d been friends since the beginning of time, even if neither of them would have categorized it as such at first. Crowley was always a few steps ahead of him and Aziraphale felt like he was always trying to catch up. In the nineteen-sixties, when he’d told Crowley that the demon went too fast for him, Aziraphale worried he would never get there, that they would be two lines never destined to meet. But then the world almost ended and they’d forsaken both of their sides for each other. It was time for Aziraphale to finally catch up. 

“No, I don’t think it is.” 

Which one of them moved first, they couldn’t say, but in an instant, they were kissing, gentle and chaste, a test more than anything else. Crowley shuddered as Aziraphale’s arms tightened around him and Aziraphale moaned quiet enough that only Crowley could hear when the demon’s tongue teased at the seam of his lips.

Realizing they were still in public, Aziraphale broke the kiss before it could deepen and smiled at the pout on Crowley’s lips as the demon tried to chase after him for a second kiss. “My dear boy, if we keep that up, I worry about impropriety. Perhaps we should take this conversation back to the shop?” He hoped Crowley would agree and smiled bright as the sun when Crowley nodded. 

They turned towards the shop, following a path they’d walked a thousand times before. But this time, as they walked, Aziraphale laced their fingers together. 

Hope bloomed in both their hearts, lightened for the first time with the knowledge that they loved one another with everything they had. Their future stretched out in front of them, filled with life and love neverending. Together, as it always had been and always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr at [astudyinfic](http://astudyinfic.tumblr.com) or twitter at [astudyinfic](http://twitter.com/astudyinfic).


End file.
